Transforming Truth:

“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” –Romans 12:10 (ESV)

As with your biological family, it is easy to love your spiritual family, brothers and sisters in Christ, until they adamantly disagree with you. Unfortunately, social media makes it even easier for fellow believers to tear one another down when divisive issues dominate the news feed.

Although online anonymity emboldens people to type vicious comments that they would never dare utter face-to-face, it’s disheartening to see “spiritual siblings” taking to the keyboard to outdo one another in ferocious debate in a fairly public space. Rather than being a testament to the transforming work of Christ or a reflection of His love, these arguments only fuel the skepticism and disgust of their non-Christian audience.

In Romans 12:10, the Apostle Paul calls believers to a standard quite different from what we often witness, to “outdo one another in showing honor.” Paul used the Greek word timē, which means deference or reverence, to describe humble, respectful submission or voluntary yielding to spiritual siblings out of “brotherly love” for them.

Paul also used two different Greek words for love in this verse—philadelphia (fraternal affection), translated as “brotherly affection” in the ESV, and philostorgos (devoted, deep affection and loyalty usually found in a biological family), translated simply as “love” in “love one another.”

As a believer in Christ, you have been adopted by the Father into His spiritual family, and every believer is your spiritual brother or sister. In this passage, Paul exhorted fellow believers in Rome to love one another with the same deep, familial affection and devotion as siblings.

We don’t always get along perfectly with our siblings, yet we share a loyalty that surpasses that of most friendships and prompts us to respond with care, keeping the big picture of a lifelong relationship in mind. God doesn’t call us to agree on everything, but He does command us to love and honor our spiritual siblings despite our disagreements.

Paul builds on this call to love the brethren by challenging us to “outdo” one another in honoring our spiritual siblings. What does it look like to live out this command when either in-person or online friction is building?

Here are a few choices to consider before you respond:

• Prioritize Relationship Over Argument: You can choose to protect a spiritual sibling’s dignity rather than trying to win the argument or prove you are right. Remember that we share the same Father despite our different views on secondary issues. Decide in advance that you won’t let non-essential doctrines break your bond of peace and unity with the body of Christ.
• Validate Their Intentions & Insights: You can choose to honor their love for God and desire to apply scripture to the issue at hand, even if you disagree with their conclusion. Look for an opportunity to acknowledge the truth and wisdom in their points, rather than being defensive of your own position.
• Speak Respectfully, With Humility: You can choose to listen to their perspective with genuine sibling care rather than defensiveness. Choose your words carefully and maintain a calm tone, which conveys that you value them as members of your spiritual family. Resist the urge to have the last word and force your point; simply allow them to have the final say.
• Ask the Holy Spirit for Guidance: Take a moment to ask in prayer, “How can I show this person more honor right now than they are showing me?” Allow the Holy Spirit to bring relevant scripture to your remembrance, helping you respond in love and humility. Ask for His peace that surpasses our understanding to “guard your heart and mind in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:6-7).

I recently met a couple who have been happily married for 40 years, even though they still disagree on a few denomination-specific positions about non-foundational interpretations of scripture. Yet, instead of fighting for intellectual dominance over the years, they have been working side by side harmoniously in ministry, prioritizing their shared kingdom mission over their differing personal opinions.

Their witness is a picture of unity in the body of Christ that I rarely see. This couple lives out Paul’s exhortation by choosing to outdo one another in showing honor. When we encounter theological friction online, we must remember that this space is part of our mission field. When we set out to outdo one another in honoring our spiritual siblings and responding with brotherly love and humility, we point others to Christ and reflect His love.

“By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.” –John 13:35 (ESV)

 

Questions for Reflection:

• Are there specific theological topics (e.g., end times, baptism, worship styles) currently causing tension with a brother or sister in Christ?
• How does this disagreement impact your regular interactions with them, whether they are in person, online, or in a church ministry setting
• What can you choose to do differently the next time you butt heads with a spiritual sibling?

 

Nighttime Prayer:

Heavenly Father, I couldn’t be more grateful that You call me Your child, and that I belong to Your spiritual family—the body of Christ. Give me the grace to choose honor even when I strongly disagree with a fellow believer. Help me respond to my spiritual siblings in love, looking past our friction and differences and showing genuine, sincere honor and respect. Father, I pray that You would heal our divisions and teach us to value one another over our opinions. Remind me of the gift of adoption offered freely to all when these conflicts threaten our unity. Reshape my heart so that I can instinctively respond with humility and show my spiritual brethren surpassing honor and respect in all situations. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

 

Join the Conversation:

Do you find it challenging to respond with honor and humility when you clash with a spiritual sibling? What can you do differently the next time you butt heads with a fellow believer? Share your reflections in the comments below.

 

  *This devotional was published on Crossmap.com as part of the Daybreak Devotions series.