Transforming Truth:

“A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” —Proverbs 18:24

When did “friend” become a verb? Not “befriend,” which means “to act as a friend of,” but just “friend,” as in, “I friended so-and-so, and…” As you probably guessed, most of us began using the word “friend” this way when social media infiltrated our everyday lives.

A quick search on Merriam-Webster.com confirms that the transitive verb “friend” means “to include (someone) in one’s list of designated friends on a social media service.” When compared with the definition of “befriend,” I see one significant difference: One act involves friend-like behavior, while the other is simply an act of inclusion, nothing more. 

How many “friends” do you have?

I remember the early days of Facebook fondly: the excitement of reconnecting with long-lost school friends, the ability to see how those friends’ lives turned out (marriage, children, career, etc.), and yes, the photos. It was a virtual class reunion—only you weren’t required to interact to satisfy your curiosity. 

Friending was an invitation to get the “tea” (as my daughters say) about past acquaintances without any act resembling friendship. And before you knew it, your friend count blew up into the hundreds (or thousands, for those who didn’t shy away from exposure), and everyone could see that you meant something to a lot of people. 

Didn’t that thumbs up feel good?

“I thought we were friends!”

But the class reunion phase was short-lived, and soon, the pain of “unfriending” created anxiety and distress that never existed before. Why did that person decide to unfriend me? What could I have possibly done to warrant such an action? What a fickle friend! 

And just like that, you found yourself unfriending people, too. Words of disagreement or discussion of any kind were easily replaced by a definitive click on the keyboard. Your heart was racing, your face growing hot, as if an actual confrontation took place.

You don’t need that friend, you tell yourself, assuming they will definitely notice your absence from their newsfeed. As resolved as you felt in the moment, you eventually realize the only person who’s feeling bad right now is you.

When I recently came across this wise saying from King Solomon found in Proverbs 18:24, my first thought was, “How did he know?” A closer look at the Hebrew word translated here as “ruin”—rāʿaʿ—reveals that it is used to convey being broken into pieces. 

I know what that feels like. I bet you do, too. Haven’t we all been crushed by unkind words, thoughtless exclusions, disloyal friends, maybe even straight-up betrayal? And no amount of online friends can make up for the devastation this one person caused.

The gift of true friends

However, like most of Solomon’s nuggets of wisdom, the downside of brokenness, despite having “many companions,” is juxtaposed with an upside: “there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” A true friend—what a gift! And according to Solomon, one is enough—a friend. Singular. Because this is a friend that will cleave (dāḇēq) more tightly than family, a friend that will endure the highs and lows of life with you, right by your side, no matter what. A friend who sticks.  

When you find yourself deflated by a dwindling friend count, a group photo of a get-together that you weren’t invited to, or the rejection of being unfriended when you least expected it, take heart. Take a moment to whisper a prayer of thanksgiving for your true friends, the ones you do life with, the ones who are anything but fickle, even if that friend count is one. Praise God for that true friend!

Then fix your gaze toward heaven, because you always have a faithful Friend—Jesus—watching out for you, providing for you, protecting you, supporting you, and loving you. Even our best friends on this side of heaven are still fallen people who can hurt us and disappoint us. But when that happens, your faithful Friend will surely pick up the pieces and restore you. He’s the only One you need!

Nighttime Prayer

Heavenly Father, I’m so grateful for the gift of friendship and the true friends You have blessed me with. Thank you for the influential friends You placed in my path for specific reasons and for seasons of life that only You knew I would need them for. Having true friends on this side of heaven is just a glimpse of the faithful, loving, and personal relationship I have with You. I pray that I would never take these friendships—especially Yours—for granted. Help me to be a friend who sticks closer than a brother in my closest relationships. Show me areas in my life where my behavior doesn’t reflect my relationship with You. In Jesus’ name I pray, amen.

Questions for Reflection:

• Has social media fueled more anxiety, disappointment, and loneliness in your life? What is one thing you can do today to reduce the influence it has on your emotions?
• Have you unfriended people to make a point? Was anything accomplished? Would you have reacted the same way if the conflict had been face-to-face?
• Who came to mind when you read the second half of Proverbs 18:24—a friend who sticks closer than a brother? Thank the Lord for this life-giving friendship, and let that person know how grateful you are to have them in your life.

Join the Conversation: Have you felt deflated by a dwindling friends count, a group photo of a get-together that you weren’t invited to, or the rejection of being unfriended when you least expected it? Share your reflections in the comments section. I’d love to pray for you!

*This devotional was published on Crossmap.com as part of the Daybreak Devotions series.